Song Lyrics, Writing and My Life

I have a playlist on my iPhone that I listen to when I am writing my book. Some are akin to "comfort" tunes and some are inspirational. The music itself inspires me but sometimes it is the lyrics themselves that move me. As I listen to the music, the words pour out of me onto the page.

I was looking for a "theme song" for my main character and I finally found it. Then I realized it was also a theme song for my life. It harkens back to my days as a preacher's daughter in a church that was more about rules and regulations than love and grace. And it reminds me why I struggle with perfection to this day.

As I listened to the words, it became apparent to me that the songwriter and artist clearly had a similar background. I don't know if she is a recovering Church of God of Prophecy member like me (perhaps we should start a support group -- Hello, my name is Michelle and I'm a recovering CoGoP who was disfellowshipped for wearing a wedding ring and seeing more colors than the black and white rules) or not but it had to be something close. She lists herself as a contemporary christian artist but her music hits more than the christian charts and I for one think that is great.

If you weren't raised this way, I can't explain it to you. I can barely explain it to myself and I was there. But suffice it to say that there were rules for how you dressed, where you went, what you ate and drank, the people you hung around with, the music you listened to and any and all aspects of your life. The people who are still there assure me that things have changed and I hope they have but I can't go back. I'm too busy moving forward.

So here is my theme song, and my character, Jacy's, theme song too. Maybe you can relate to it too.

Good Behavior by Plumb

I was frozen in a fragile world
Of make believe and empty lies
Twisting the rules
Of a virtuous game

And captured by the thought of fear
And lonliness afraid to cry
Suffocating trying to scream

Cause I wanted out
To find myself

Cause perfect only makes you crazy
There is no way that it could save me
I'm sick of feeling like a traitor
Is this the price of good behavior?

Oh my naked skin
Feels the warmth of the sun
My eyes are open
To the brightness of life

I'm driven by a force so free
To live this life not paralyzed
But with reckless abandon
So now I can breathe.

Cause I wanted out
To find myself

Cause perfect only makes you crazy
There is no way that it could save me
I'm sick of feeling like a traitor.
Is this the price of good behavior?

Don't do this
Don't do that
You will be
Out abandoned

Cause perfect only makes you crazy
There is no way that it could save me
I'm sick of feeling like a traitor
Is this the price of good behavior?

Inspiration

What is this about? Nothing since October and now I’m a blabber mouth posting daily or twice daily.

I guess it was the holidays. Or maybe I was mentally fried. Or perhaps it was all the additional work going on with training of two new employees or the well had run dry. Is that possible? Can you run out of inspiration?

What is this thing called inspiration? It is a question that is being discussed this month on Quarter Connection – what inspires you -- a container, a kit? I haven’t responded to the question on QC because I’m not entirely sure how to respond. What doesn’t inspire me would be easier to answer.

It can be the color of a leaf as the sun shines through it, a container that can be used in a new way, a swatch of fabric, a smell, a taste, a memory, a photograph, a story, a line from a song, a fragment of an overheard conversation, a movie, a news story, anything and everything can be inspiration.

Do I act on all of these inspirations? No, I mean, there isn’t enough time or energy to do so, but I can explore them mentally and discard what isn’t needed and squirrel some away for future use or adaption. I have notes and sketches to remind me later, bits and pieces of ideas that may not see the light of day but are there dancing about the edges of my mind.