I have a playlist on my iPhone that I listen to when I am writing my book. Some are akin to "comfort" tunes and some are inspirational. The music itself inspires me but sometimes it is the lyrics themselves that move me. As I listen to the music, the words pour out of me onto the page.
I was looking for a "theme song" for my main character and I finally found it. Then I realized it was also a theme song for my life. It harkens back to my days as a preacher's daughter in a church that was more about rules and regulations than love and grace. And it reminds me why I struggle with perfection to this day.
As I listened to the words, it became apparent to me that the songwriter and artist clearly had a similar background. I don't know if she is a recovering Church of God of Prophecy member like me (perhaps we should start a support group -- Hello, my name is Michelle and I'm a recovering CoGoP who was disfellowshipped for wearing a wedding ring and seeing more colors than the black and white rules) or not but it had to be something close. She lists herself as a contemporary christian artist but her music hits more than the christian charts and I for one think that is great.
If you weren't raised this way, I can't explain it to you. I can barely explain it to myself and I was there. But suffice it to say that there were rules for how you dressed, where you went, what you ate and drank, the people you hung around with, the music you listened to and any and all aspects of your life. The people who are still there assure me that things have changed and I hope they have but I can't go back. I'm too busy moving forward.
So here is my theme song, and my character, Jacy's, theme song too. Maybe you can relate to it too.
Good Behavior by Plumb
I was frozen in a fragile world
Of make believe and empty lies
Twisting the rules
Of a virtuous game
And captured by the thought of fear
And lonliness afraid to cry
Suffocating trying to scream
Cause I wanted out
To find myself
Cause perfect only makes you crazy
There is no way that it could save me
I'm sick of feeling like a traitor
Is this the price of good behavior?
Oh my naked skin
Feels the warmth of the sun
My eyes are open
To the brightness of life
I'm driven by a force so free
To live this life not paralyzed
But with reckless abandon
So now I can breathe.
Cause I wanted out
To find myself
Cause perfect only makes you crazy
There is no way that it could save me
I'm sick of feeling like a traitor.
Is this the price of good behavior?
Don't do this
Don't do that
You will be
Out abandoned
Cause perfect only makes you crazy
There is no way that it could save me
I'm sick of feeling like a traitor
Is this the price of good behavior?
