This is Who I Am

I’ve read with interest posts lately from all sides of the spectrum online of my friends, family and classmates. They are Christian, Atheist, Hindu, Buddhist, White, Black, Asian, Hispanic, Right Wing, Left Wing, Gay, Straight, homeschool or public school or private school and they all seem to have a message of my way is right and everyone else is wrong. I understand that belief or the lack of belief is a very personal thing and we all become emotionally involved when others don’t go along with what we believe.


So, here I am ready to offend the universe at large but I have to say who I am.

I’m a Christian. To me that doesn’t mean I’m Republican or Democrat. It means I follow the teachings of Christ. Not a church. Not a pastor’s interpretation. Jesus Christ. It is my personal belief that many of the things Jesus taught have been twisted and confused through churches. He taught love. And grace. And mercy. He cried. He went to parties. He made wine. Not cheap wine either; it was the best at the party so I’m pretty sure he drank since Welch’s wouldn’t keep in pre-refrigeration days. He became angry but didn’t sin and wasn’t abusive. He cleared the temple of the money makers who were making a mockery of church. He hung out with undesirables like prostitutes, adulterers and the lowest of the lows – tax collectors :) and he knew rich and powerful people as well. He was ignored by His family and loved by His followers. He knew joy and pain.

He was mocked, scorned and ridiculed. He still granted love and mercy. If you don’t believe in Him, that’s your choice but please don’t mock my choice as some uninformed panacea to the masses. I have the right to be intelligent and have faith. I don’t mock others who don’t believe as I do because Jesus wouldn’t have. He would have loved them no matter what. That was His message. I do believe He can save me but if I’m wrong, I’ve lived in love, mercy and grace. There are worse things I could choose to believe.

I don’t believe that Obama is the anti-christ or gay marriage will destroy the world. I don’t believe voting Republican will necessarily get America “back on track.” I also don’t believe voting Democrat will necessarily get America “back on track” either. I’m tired of hearing that right or left, gay or straight or republican or democrat or any other “way” is the cause of all that is good or the cause of all that is bad. It just is a part of the universe at large and the only thing that really matters is how you react to it. I’m reacting in love. I love you no matter what you do or do not believe. I love you no matter your sexuality or stance on drinking, abortion, or state’s rights.

It’s not that I don’t have an opinion on these issues because I do. But the point is no matter what you do or say, Jesus loves you and I think that is a good thing for me to do as well.

Please my friends, family and cohorts, stop beating each other over the head with your “isms” whatever they may be and learn to show love and compassion with one another. Life is too short to not be kind no matter what you believe.

And that’s just who I am.

Song Lyrics, Writing and My Life

I have a playlist on my iPhone that I listen to when I am writing my book. Some are akin to "comfort" tunes and some are inspirational. The music itself inspires me but sometimes it is the lyrics themselves that move me. As I listen to the music, the words pour out of me onto the page.

I was looking for a "theme song" for my main character and I finally found it. Then I realized it was also a theme song for my life. It harkens back to my days as a preacher's daughter in a church that was more about rules and regulations than love and grace. And it reminds me why I struggle with perfection to this day.

As I listened to the words, it became apparent to me that the songwriter and artist clearly had a similar background. I don't know if she is a recovering Church of God of Prophecy member like me (perhaps we should start a support group -- Hello, my name is Michelle and I'm a recovering CoGoP who was disfellowshipped for wearing a wedding ring and seeing more colors than the black and white rules) or not but it had to be something close. She lists herself as a contemporary christian artist but her music hits more than the christian charts and I for one think that is great.

If you weren't raised this way, I can't explain it to you. I can barely explain it to myself and I was there. But suffice it to say that there were rules for how you dressed, where you went, what you ate and drank, the people you hung around with, the music you listened to and any and all aspects of your life. The people who are still there assure me that things have changed and I hope they have but I can't go back. I'm too busy moving forward.

So here is my theme song, and my character, Jacy's, theme song too. Maybe you can relate to it too.

Good Behavior by Plumb

I was frozen in a fragile world
Of make believe and empty lies
Twisting the rules
Of a virtuous game

And captured by the thought of fear
And lonliness afraid to cry
Suffocating trying to scream

Cause I wanted out
To find myself

Cause perfect only makes you crazy
There is no way that it could save me
I'm sick of feeling like a traitor
Is this the price of good behavior?

Oh my naked skin
Feels the warmth of the sun
My eyes are open
To the brightness of life

I'm driven by a force so free
To live this life not paralyzed
But with reckless abandon
So now I can breathe.

Cause I wanted out
To find myself

Cause perfect only makes you crazy
There is no way that it could save me
I'm sick of feeling like a traitor.
Is this the price of good behavior?

Don't do this
Don't do that
You will be
Out abandoned

Cause perfect only makes you crazy
There is no way that it could save me
I'm sick of feeling like a traitor
Is this the price of good behavior?