So here it is the week of Christmas and instead of having a warm cozy time of it with family and friends, I find myself banging my head against the keyboard of my computer with a major case of writer’s block with regards to the book. I’m considering skipping ahead and writing a chapter that is swirling in my head and then go back or forward from there and fill in the blanks. Then I get side tracked with Christmas “stuff” and lose sight of what I’m working on.
Then I get distracted thinking about editing and then changes in general. I find that the thing about changes is that it never stops. Everything is in constant flux. I’ve been going through some changes myself the last few weeks and months. I’ve been evaluating myself and my relationships, my beliefs, my life’s work and accomplishments and anything and everything that can be evaluated. That’s the problem with having an analytical mind, you analyze everything and everyone.
Socrates said the unexamined life is not worth living and I agree. If you don’t take the time to look at things and just run along on auto-pilot you miss out on the pleasures of living.
It has also been said that ignorance is bliss and I agree to this as well. What I don’t know about, I don’t worry about. A sort of “don’t worry, be happy” philosophy.
I know that these two things are at complete odds and yet they are both true in certain circumstances and in certain states of mind. I want to know and analyze and logic myself to death and yet I’d rather not know and worry myself to death.
Still here I am in this state of contemplation and it isn’t always a happy place to be. Sometimes when you closely look at your life, you find you aren’t as happy as you thought you were. Auto-pilot allows you to function and fool yourself into happiness. This place of mental funk is hard to shake off and you go about feeling lost in the “what-ifs” of your mind.
May be it’s a midlife crisis. Maybe it’s empty nest syndrome. I don’t know. I just know that I’m sometimes second guessing my life choices now and it is a path I’m almost afraid to go down for fear of where it will lead me. What if I decide I can live with my current choices and be happy?
Then again, maybe everyone needs to take the time to step back and re-examine themselves not in fear that they will only find regrets but so that they can see the accomplishments as well. We all have highs and lows in our lives things we have done and those we have left un-done. It reminds us that there are still things to accomplish and goals to reach.
Sigh, too much thinking and not enough Christmas cookies, I think.
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