My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives.
-Hedley Lamarr from “Blazing Saddles”
Sometimes I think my brain is malfunctioning it runs in so many directions at once and I have a hard time lassoing it into coherent thoughts. Then as my thoughts “cascade into a waterfall” I’m afraid that important details get lost in the deluge.
I’m tracking multiple work projects, staff development projects, home remodeling projects, mini projects, a book project, articles for the Unicoi Mini-Play Weekend in the NAME Gazette, a new design project utilizing “packaging” and women, travel for work, family and minis, Amanda going back to school in a couple of weeks, self improvement and other picture postcards.
Sometimes the brain gets to buzzing like a chainsaw and won’t let me breathe or stop long enough to sleep. Last night it was well after 2:00 AM before I was able to turn it “off” enough to rest. Then the chainsaw cranked back up around 4:30 AM this morning so by the time the alarm on my “Crackberry” went off this morning it was literally all I could do to get up and moving.
It seems at times the only peace I get is on the treadmill going as fast as I possibly can go, concentrating only on my breathing and blasting my IPod treadmill playlist (Currently includes Muse, Perry Farrell, Mute Math, Paramore, etc.) as loud as my ear drums can stand to try to push out all the buzzing “raging torrents” of thoughts.
I used to keep a notepad by the side of my bed to write down thoughts and things to do when they hit me so that I could let them go and try to rest, but then I found myself editing the random thoughts and brainstorming off of those. Then, of course, it really ticks Ben off when I turn on the light in the middle of the night to do this so I quit that.
Hmmm….so what’s the deal?
Is this an obsessive compulsive disorder? Possible, but more likely, I think it is life overload. When did I get so busy that I require two (yes, two) Blackberries, multiple notebooks with To-do lists that must be completed, and a laptop with me at all times?
Do I have a fear of under-commitment and the word “no” became a dirty word to me? Why does my life seem like a treadmill with a never ending belt of things to do and no hope of getting off as it speeds up to astronomical speeds that my frail body and brain cannot possible keep up with?
There has to be a better way. I haven’t found it yet but I’m still looking. After all, it’s on my to-do list and I need to check at least one thing off.
On a happier note, just bought my airline ticket for Salt Lake City small scale regional Houseparty the first weekend of October! I can't wait to go - La Vie en Rose!
